You Can Have Another...

I've struggled with this thought... "You can have another...".  Since our little Mackenzie was born, I've heard that statement to many times.  It is not comforting, I did not "plan" on having "another".  I wanted HER.  My "plannning" on not having any more children just goes to show who is really in control... definately not me.

Back to the topic at hand.  I had an awesome conversation today with a sweet lady of 80 some years.  I was giving her my condolences on the recent loss of her husband, to whom she'd been married to for a wonderful 60 + years.  Yes, I said sixty.  Anyway, I told her I was very sorry for her loss and how I understood a little bit, but nearly enough, how she felt.  She shared with me the devastating loss of their first child.  She shared that how (I will assume) 60 years later, she still grieves that child.  She, like myself, lost her baby at full term.  Of course back then, people didn't have services for babies lost before/during birth.  She still regrets that they never gave that child a proper name.  She shared that they went on to have numerous more healthy children, but that she always knew there was one missing from her earthly life.  We both cried when we spoke of how her husband has now come to know their child, in Heaven, and how she looks forward to that oppurtunity for herself someday.

What amazed me about this conversation was that she DOES STILL GRIEVE that precious child.  Some have made me feel as though I should be done.  But how?  We had hopes and dreams for our daughter, for our family, for all of our lives.  For example, the hardest thing I did this summer was attend my family reunion without my youngest daughter lovingly craddles in my protective arms.  I had pictured myself doing that from the time she was conceived, thinking that she would be born just in time to meet her greatgrandmother at the reunion.

So what did I learn today?  That, yes, it is normal to grieve my child for a life time.  And I will.  It doesn't mean I won't move on to live my life, and continue to be happy.  I, God willing, can go on to have and love another child... It just means, that for me, I will go forward without that piece of my heart that is with her, resting for eternity, in Heaven.