I stole this title from a friend, because this is a left over I need to get off my chest...
A friend of mine, posted here on her December 24, 2011 post, about missing her son Brennan on Christmas. Brennan is the heavenly baby I wrote about here, which was one of most popular posts. Anyway, back to Brennan's mommy... she wrote about how they remembered baby Brennan at Christmas. When she mentioned that Baby Brennan had a stocking, my heart sank. I didn't buy Mackenzie a stocking, I didn't even think about it. I mean we did our "own thing" and started a tradition, but what kind of parent doesn't buy their baby a stocking when everyone else in the family has one?
We didn't use our stockings this year since we were at mom and dad's on Christmas day, but they were still hanging. There should have been four hanging there. We do have a tradition that Jeff and I started a couple years into our relationship. We buy Hallmark ornaments for one another. We did buy Mackenzie one, but I wish I would have put it in her stocking...
We also took Mackenzie a Christmas tree. Brennan's mommy took a picture of his bear in front of the Christmas tree... I didn't even think of it. Oh! A little regret. Maybe it's OK that we didn't do those things. We can all do our remembrance differently, I know, I just wish I would have thought of it.
I tucked away the last of the Christmas bling today, you know those random items that try to hide and our hoping to see a glimpse of summer fun? Well, amongst those items were our stockings. I think tomorrow when we're shopping I'm going to see if there is any Christmas decor left lurking around and snatch up a stocking, and tuck it away for Christmas's to come.
Well, if I press "POST" now, this will still make the Friday cut, and still qualify as a "Left Over"!
Good night! Have a great weekend.
Don't be hard on yourself, you're right and everyone remembers in their own way. If you didn't think of it on your own, maybe it wasn't that important to you in the first place :)
ReplyDeleteI agree about not being hard on yourself. You may hear of other things/traditions to do with Anna and regret not doing those too. It doesn't make you a bad mom for not thinking about it yourself. I love your idea of taking picture of Anna every morning when she wakes up, on her birthday. I regretted not doing that with Josie but I started on her 2nd birthday. There's always next year. I think it's a lovely idea though :)
ReplyDeleteI struggle with this aspect of grief. I feel like I need to 'do' something for B in order for me to feel like a good mom.
ReplyDeleteStocking are very special in Brian's family - they are hand stitched by Brian's Mom so when she made one for Brennan it was over the top special. I never know what to put in it but I usually find an ornament (last minute) just more for the sake of 'doing something' than the ornament having special meaning. I want to work on that tho - putting more thought into the gift/ornament.
I don't really know what I'm saying :) I guess just do what feels right to you. There are no rules to grief (which I've realized) and you have to write your own 'how to grieve' book ;)
We like to include Brennan in special family things (Christmas, his birthday) and everyday stuff too. Teaching our family that all life is important I guess.
Sorry this is random :)