Bring on the New Year and New Beginnings!

I have never been more excited to say "goodbye" to a year as I was last night.  I'm done with 2011.  A year full of emotion, love, loss, smiles and tears.  To me 2012 means a whole new beginning.  I have not taken any of that "bad stuff" with me into 2012.  I am not saying I have left those memories behind, but am going to only take the positive out of the hard times.

We lost Jeff's Grandma Mary last January.  From her I learnt that a little bit of tradition is fun and just having family around gives you strength.

Our precious little Mackenzie Mary was born in to the arms of God May 21, 2011.  From my little girl's short life, only lived inside my womb, I have learnt so much.  I've learnt about love, God, the power of prayer, the grace of the Holy Spirit, the comfort of Jesus, the love of family, friends and neighbors.  Mackenzie taught me so much about myself, my marriage, my husband, her sister Anna, how to really be a mom, and one of the hardest lessons - how to ask for help.

How is it that a life so timid and quiet could make such an impact?  Is it because I listen to her?  Because I've let her lead me to be the person I am meant to be?  I guess I won't know, until I meet her again.  Some people say we leave this earth when we have fulfilled out life's purpose... my little angel's purpose must have been to show us what is important in life.  I don't want to be remembered for the car I drive, the house I live in, or even the clothes I wear.  I don't care how much money we have or any of that stuff.  Mackenzie's precious life proved to me that none of that stuff would have changed anything.  Would God have decided to change the path of her life because we could bring her home to a castle?  I really doubt it. 

Mackenzie you saved me.  You saved me from myself in so many ways.  You made me and daddy stronger.  Stronger in our marriage, stronger in our faith, stronger as parents.  Thank you!

We had a third tragic loss in 2011.  Jeff's cousin, as close to a brother he'd ever have, was sent to God so unexpectedly.  Some would say this could have been our "breaking point", and believe me, many days it did feel that way.  What Jim really taught us was to "Always make good choices".  NEVER NEVER leave each other before reconciling over what ever we may have been disagreeing over.  Life is to short.  Jim and his beautiful wife have taught us to live life to the fullest, everyday is a gift.  LOVE LOVE LOVE!  Jim and his bride of over 20 years are so in love.  I can still see it in her eyes.

It was with this third tragic loss that we actually were able to talk about Mackenzie.  Not that we never did, but actually talk about her in a deeper way.  On the way home from Jim's memorial we talked about how we both pictured Jim, who loved kids, bouncing our little girl on his knee, her giggling with delight.

So, it is hard to believe that it's been a year.  It'll be a year this week, that I went for my ultra sound...  Much of the past year is a blur to me.  I know there is so much that is lost in the fog.  Maybe that's God's way of protecting me from the memories of some really dark times.  The events that I do recall more vividly are happy days.

I pray that 2012 is a year full of bright colours, beautiful memories and new beginnings.

Happy New Year everyone!