Rockin' Anger

Well for a step in grief I wasn't really sure I was even going to get to, I'm really rockin' this anger stage.

This week it's insurance.  Specifically "Life Insurance".  I am not looking to make a buck off my family tradgedy, but looking for some knowledge, even so I can pass the information on to someone else.

My mom and I had a talk a while back about insurance benefits.  She encouraged me to check what my policy is through work.  Well, I finally did.  This is the answer I got... this is not quoting the book, but just a sum up.

Basically my insurance covers myself, "1" spouse (really they specify one!), and any dependant(s) for accidental death or dismemberment. 

The definition I found for a dependant (in relation to this topic) is:

Dependant - a person who depends on another person or organisation, etc.  for support, aid, life or sustenance...

Apparently according to insurance, Mackenzie was not my dependant.  Please explain to me how the baby I gave life to for 38 weeks was not dependant on me???  Really?  In the eyes of the "powers that be" of the insurance world, Mackenzie was not my dependant not only because she didn't breathe outside my body, but she didn't breathe outside the hospital walls. I am the only person who thinks that is absurd???  A baby has to be taken outside the hospital by his/her parents in order to be considered a dependant.  I don't even want to know what the life insurance company would say had she born alive, and passed away suddenly hours after birth...

I understand they need to draw a "line" somewhere.  But come on!!!  If Mackenzie would have been born at that 21 - 24 week (can't remember the exact week that they determine a "fetus" viable outside the womb) they would have done everything humanly possible to save her.  Yet, at 38 weeks, she gets nothing!  She is still considered a fetus.  I'm sorry, but she did breathe.  She was breathing inside of me!!!!  She was my dependant daughter.  She depended on me to breathe so she could breathe, on me to eat so she could eat.

When the nice lady I spoke to read this information to me on Tuesday I politely said, "OK, I understand."  It took me a full 48 hrs to process.  I brought this subject up at coffee today with my wonderful coworkers.  These women are moms too.  They were also disturbed by this fact.  Pointing out that if I would have wanted to terminate, she would have been considered a fetus, not a baby.  Had she born a premie, she would have been considered a baby, as early as 21 or 24 weeks gestation.  Where is the support for bereaved parents who have lost the most precious person (along side their other children) in their lives????

Why do these babies get treated like they didn't exist?  All I heard when being told this information was, "She wasn't really your daughter."  No one said that out loud, but by telling me Mackenzie was not my dependant, that is what I, the mother of a baby born to God, heard.  Seriously, there is something wrong with this whole picture.  We, parents who've suffered tragic losse,s don't need to worry about the costs of the trials and tribulations we're facing, we can barely function.  This is when "Life Insurance" is needed the most.  As one coworker pointed out, it's called "Life" insurance for a reason.  It's to help support those who are living, not the ones who are... well, dead.  Other wise it would be called "dead insurance".  I can't believe I pay for "Life Insurance", when it wasn't there for me when I lost such a precious life.  What a slap in the face.

Besides all this... the lady that I talked to asked me why I was concerned.  (I did tell her that I was just interested to see what the policy stated and that it was probably to late if there was any help to be applied for.)  I told her I just wanted to know, since we did incur expenses.  Can you imagine what she asked me?  She asked me, "Well, what do you mean that you had expenses?  Didn't the hospital provide you with options to reduce cost?"

*   *   *

Did you catch your breath?

Um Hello???  Any body home?  I felt like asking her if she had kids, and if so what expenses would she have if one of them, Lord forbid, were to pass away.

I told her that yes, the hospital did tell us about our option to have Mackenzie cremated in a mass cremation and burried in a mass grave somewhere in Edmonton.  Oh, but we would have been told where... yippee.  I also told her that was not an option!  I can understand some people are OK with that, but not us.  We couldn't even imagine her being "alone" in the cemetery 5 minutes from our house.  That's why Grandma gave us her extra plots and Mackenzie is burried right beside her Great Grandfather.

As for other costs, I said, "uh, we had to have her transported from Edmonton to Killam.  We had a funeral, and we bought her a headstone.  I would never have not done any of these things.  I was ready to spend our savings on whatever we had to, in order to honour our daughter properly.  We are fortunate to have such wonderful friends and family who stepped up and donated memorial funds that we put towards her memorial marker and amazing parents, who did incur the remaining costs for us (of course they waited until after everything was said and done to tell us).  And I didn't spare a thing.  When we met with the florist I ordered what I wanted, without considering the cost, because I needed everything to be as beautiful as Mackenzie.

There so many other costs that our families had that i didn't even mention to this woman, like:

· my dad's flight from Fort Mac to Edmonton.

· my dad's flight back to Fort Mac from Edmonton.

· all the driving back and forth (especially for my dear friend who drove me, Anna and even Jeff around)

· the lost wages for both Jeff and myself

· and the list could go on and on.

· besides all that, how do they know that we didn't have to stay in hotels, eat out, etc.???

Don't get me wrong here.  I don't want the money.  That's not what this is about.  This is about the loss of humanity and decency.  This is about the loss of "life".  The loss of rights for these little angels.

I would hate to imagine a family, much like my own, who doesn't have family near to help with these expenses when faced with a similar situation.  If we didn't have money tucked away, and had no family to help, would we have had to choose that "cost reduction" option?  Would that choice be made because there are no funds? and your Life Insurance company is not concerned with the life of a 38 week gestation baby, who is called to God before ever taking her first breath outside the womb?

Mackenzie was my daughter, my dependant from the moment she was conceived.  And no, I will not let some heartless "Life" Insurance agency deny me of that.  I just pray that none of their employees, or reps or whom ever makes those decisions at these big firms, EVER EVER has to go through what I've gone through.  I hope those decision makers don't EVER have to face a friend or family member who is dealing with the loss of their oh so dependant, baby.  Cause if they do, that's when they'll realise just how dependant the lives of these quiet, anges are. 

Mackenzie, my sweet baby girl, mommy knows just how precious you are, so precious to me, daddy, Anna,, your entire family and so many friends.  Most of all, you are a child.  You are a child of God.  God hold us all in his arms, where we can feel one anothers love.

Not even a sparrow, worth only half a penny, can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. 

And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. 

So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to him than a whole flock of sparrows.

Matthew 10:29 - 31