A Beautiful Beginning...

I'm not really sure where I'm headed today, but I know it's towards a more peaceful place.  I've been saying all week, how I feel at peace right now.  I can't explain it anymore then that.  I feel like I'm starting a new year, like it's January 1st.  So if this is the beginning of a new year for me and my family then we've had a beautiful beginning.

Today marked the year mark of Mackenzie's funeral.  The day that her daddy, with the aid of her grandfathers, carried her to her final resting place.  I feel like a totally different person then I was a year ago.  Maybe cause I spend most of the last year in "automatic".  I was still in shock when we left the cemetery, knowing that our fathers were staying behind to cover up that beautiful white casket.

The thing is, to be totally honest with you, I never realised today was the 25th of May, that day, until after work when Anna and I were at the park.  I feel funny about that.  I feel that it should have been my first thought when i awoke this morning.  My actual first thought was, "We're so going to be late."  I also feel that not thinking that first thing this morning is a sign.  A sign that a beautiful beginning has indeed begun. 

I am happy.  I can be happy and still have Mackenzie in my heart.  She doesn't need to be a sad spot in my heart.  Yes, that spot aches, but it doesn't have to bleed every day.  I had a great day with Anna.  I hauled my new to me bike trailer and my bike to town this morning and after work we went for a bike ride.  Anna loved it, and so did I.  The pavement in town is way easier to pull the trailer on then gravel.  I am currently seated on my glider on my front deck.  I am looking out over our little duck pond.  I can hear the frogs chirp, the birds sing and in the distance the cars pass by on the highway.  I can smell the beautiful spring air.  I can feel the coolness of a soft breeze.  I can feel my heart smile as I take on this beautiful beginning and learn to be happy and live again.  Being the parent of an angel is very hard, definitely no user manual.

I am still going to tell you I have had to beautiful daughters, if you ask.  I am still going to have that tiny (sometimes huge), constant ache in my heart, but I will face each day with a little more hope.  Hope that God gives us the opportunity to expand our family and continue to grow in our love for Him and each other.

This is Anna's first attemp at drawing people. She actual made this on Mackenzie's birthday.

I asked her who they were and she told me, "scary!"  I'm unsure what that means!!  I think she did an awesome job!

Have a great weekend!