Permanance...

Well, it's time.  Time to put everlasting words on a marker for our little angel.  This is a huge commitment.  A commitment for a life time of forevers.  This stone will mark Mackenzie's resting place forever more.  It will be a monument we visit many, many times.  We have to know what we want, and love it.  It can't be taken back or exchanged it is PERMANENT.  This is permanent.  This is a huge marker in our lives.  It puts and eternity on her life.  That for eternity she will be peaceful with her Father in Heaven. 

A year ago I was dreaming of what this little gift would be.  I was about 7 weeks.  All that new excitement.  I had a little secret.  I dreamt of who was growing in my womb, what he/she would be like in a years time.  Of my family of four... 

Today, I had a mommy day.  I went to the spa with my bestie,  I released.  I had time to think.  I got to turn off.  (Thankyou to my mom for watching Anna so I truely could be worry free.)  I prepared myself for tomorrow;  the day I would put permanence, to one more big step in a journey through grief.  This isn't a regular shopping trip.  How do you say "yes" to the memorial marker for your child?  I still don't want to admit she's gone...   This will be admitting it to myself again.  Never, as a parent, does everyone ever want to think that the most important and expensive item they will buy for their new born is a memorial marker.  How do you do that?  I guess I will find out in about 15 hours...  

So much thought has to go into this marker.  Is has to be perfect for her...  It must honour her, and represent what she means to us...  be how we have grown to feel her presence...  Will it be enough?