A Walk to Remember

We went to our first Walk to Remember yesterday.  It is held every year at the Alberta Legislature grounds, for babies and little ones whom have passed away.

 It was so amazing. hard. emotional. draining. awesome. 

We took the LRT.  Fun!

Our teddy bears.

Writing our message for the story line.

Hanging up the message.

Messages for our balloons

I wrote on Friday, that we would be watching for a sign that our Mackenzie was with us and I was looking for it.  Well, we were to "adult" to see it.  But don't worry, big sister Anna found her little sister.  She saw this balloon archway that everyone walks through to start the walk... and she knew what it was...

"Anna's Rainbow from Mackenzie Heaven", is what she proclaimed! 

Thankyou Anna, momma would have missed it!

On the walk.

As I watched for my angels name I thought, "If mommy were to have written her name,

it would be in big block purple letters..."  and it was...

We found our dear friends' little boy.

Our balloons.

Getting ready to let our balloons fly!

"It's Ok Anna, we are sending your balloons to Heaven for Mackenzie."

"Ok, Momma..."

Letting go...

I can't explain how I felt when I heard her name, "Mackenzie Mary Erikssen". 

It sent a shiver down my spine, my heart skipped a beat.  I didn't want to let go again...  I wasn't ready to see those balloons leave my grip.

Waiting for Brennan's name

Away he goes!

And as the last baby's name was called out, the rain gently began to fall... 

Jeff's mom summed it up, "Teardrops from Heaven."

It was beautiful. 

Were our babies saying, "Thankyou for my day, thankyou for loving me enough that you hurt so bad, that you cry so hard, that you're all here for me."  I believe they were...

To honour these little ones meant so much.  To see all the others who've felt what we've felt.  All the grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins.  There were to many people there... to many people who've hurt that bad.  I learnt that they still hurt that bad.  and that's ok.  That's the way it's supposed to be.  You're supposed to cry, you're supposed grieve, you're supposed to wonder, what would she be like today?

I will not forget.  Yes, it was a hard day.  It brought the rawness right back to the forfront of that wound.  Why?  you ask, would we put ourselves through this?  Because, we are parents, we would do ANYTHING for our children, on earth and in heaven.  It is our job.  We suffer the pain, so they don't have to.

As my beautiful sister-in-law, Janelle, wrote to me in an email this morning...

"I am just glad that our Mackenzie is with Jesus and never has to grieve."